Grand theft auto

Yeah, I had to do it.

I was remaining obliviously cool to the release of Grant Theft Auto IV this week until I started reading all the 10 out of 10 reviews it was getting. And the Crypto Jew said it was like, the best game for Xbox 360, like, evah.

So after work yesterday I traded in some games I never played and got my own copy.

After several hours of playing I feel an odd urge to abuse women.

Just kidding. As recent Eastern European immigrant Nico Bellic I'm compelled to abuse not just women, but innocent men, too, thugs, garbagemen, hookers in parks, old ladies on the beach, and police officers.

The online multiplayer function has been getting some amazing reviews too, and I tried that out a little bit with the Cryto Jew, whose online gamertag is Xepha. Yeah, it's incredibly fun. At one point I was reminded of the opening scene of Todd Solondz's film Happiness, as I calmly strolled into a crowded park where Xepha was hiding out, my AK-47 blazing and crowds scattering.

It's just a game, people.

Or?

A weird thing happened to me when I was about two hours into the game. I started to crave McDonald's. Now, I eat fast food about once a year. And I never have an urge--I usually end up eating it because I'm driving to Duluth or Chicago and I need a food-fix.

But I was dying for a Big Mac and fries while playing this game.

There's a McDonald's about six blocks from my apartment which I have been to once in my life because I never eat fast food, see? But I left my apartment in my pajama-pants, got in my car, and went through the drive-thru and damn does a Big Mac go well with knifing.