The gayest thing about you

One thing I noticed about Scott is that when a conversation among a group starts to lag, he'll pipe in with an open-ended, roundtable question that we all have to answer. You know, like something from The Book of Questions.

So we were all sitting at a table at the Ramrod sucking down cocktails when Scott asked us to name the gayest thing about us.

While it was generally agreed upon that the gayest thing about Tom was the fact that he owned the entire DVD set of The West Wing, people at the table hadn't spent enough time around me to know that I am a creepy Judy Garland fan.

Yes--it's true we have things between us in common...like Burt Lahr. And homosexuality forced us both out of Northern Minnesota. We both went down the toilet in London--except I survived.

And yes it's true I once made a short film about Judy Garland that won an incredible prize at a local film festival. It's disturbing and not safe for work. If you dare...click on the link below:

This video is only ten seconds long and it is titled "Celebrating Judy Garland's Birthday" and is based on a true story. It really was made on Judy Garland's birthday and was just a straight-up ethnography of what I do on every June 10th.

It won first prize in the "Most Disturbing" category of the Soap Factory's Ten Second Film Fest.

The voice of Judy Garland you hear in the background? It's taken and remixed from Judy Garland Speaks! A bootleg of a bootleg I got from a punk record store in Vancouver. She's sitting at home with some book editor trying to make audio recordings for a future autobiography but she's always shitfaced and railing about this and that. My favorite track is Get the Hell Out of My Life and I present it to you here in mp3 form for the very first time.

Here's what I do when I listen to this particular track. Wait until Friday evening when you have nothing going on, no boyfriend, no friends, and the Xanax you crushed up and dissolved in a stringent glass of Karkov and kool-aid don't seem to be doing the trick. Turn off all the lights and turn up the volume on your stereo and listen to this track.