End of something that has been living in my shoulders

I have a really big appointment tomorrow. I hope it will kill what is inside of me and what is giving me these headaches.

And how at four pm I sit in the toilet stall and rest my head on the tiles and nap. And I sleep on the #4 south down Lyndale I sleep past my stop and wake up on the edge of the city and there are boxstores soaring past and empty seats; the riders, suspicious, heading to night jobs...I am so tired I can barely turn around to head back...

END OF AUTUMN
by Rilke (translated by Edward Snow)

I have seen for some time
how everything is changing.
Something rises and acts
and kills and causes grief.

From one time to the next
all the gardens now are not the same;
from the yellowing to the
golden slow decay;
how long that path has been.

Now I stand amid emptiness
and gaze down all avenues.
Almost to the distant oceans
I can see the solemn ponderous
relentlessly denying sky.